Ever heard the saying don’t assume or you will make an ass of yourself? I hate dating. No really, honestly I hate dating. I hate it mostly because most men suck. They suck they do, they are emotionally retarded. They suck in they tend to base all of their decisions on assumptions, which then in turn leads to fear, and then leads to asshole behavior. There is nothing I hate more than asshole or douche bag behavior, especially at my age. I’m 30, and I literally just started dating. I spent a good portion in my 20’s in serious relationships that were seriously not serious, and seriously not going anywhere. It was comfortable. I never really had the “I want to be married and have 4 kids” bug when I was in my 20’s. I was traveling, I was learning, I was growing in my faith. Well here I am at 30 years old suddenly propelled into all this unfamiliar territory. I hate it. Its rocky, it hurts my feet, its cold. I hate it. It sucks.
My main issue with men is they have this mindset that we as women are just these insanely overly emotional creatures. Are we emotional? Yes! But can some of us control our emotions? Yes. I hate prejudice men. I do, I hate prejudice men. I hate men who see me and think, “she has a vagina, she’s emotional. She’s going fall in love with me and want babies immediately.” My ovaries are quite in check thank you very much. And actually I think I’m smart enough not to determine if you are the father of my child after our second or third date. Like I think that I love my unborn children enough, to actually carefully and strategically select them a father. So dude relax. Stop judging me based on the fact that I have a vagina.
Being straightforward and assertive are qualities I love in men. If I ask you where this is going and the answer is “no where” then say nowhere. I respect that so much. I mean it will probably make me more attracted to you and if you’re lucky you might get laid. One thing I learned is that it is never too early to ask a man what he is looking for. In fact, I encourage it. Someone who is mature and serious will keep it real and be able to able to answer that question. There are several acceptable answers. “I want to get to know you and see where this goes.” Okay that’s a decent answer. If it works out it works out. If it doesn’t it doesn’t. “I’m just looking for some fun right now.” Okay that’s a fair answer. I can choose to continue to talk to you if I want what you are offering. “I’m looking to date someone seriously.” Okay cool, if that’s what I want maybe I’ll stick around. You know what is not a decent answer? “I don’t know how to answer that.” Okay so what you’re saying is “I don’t know if I want to screw you, date you, marry you, or just jack off to your pictures.” How do you not know where you are in life and what you want? Women ask this question simply because we want to know where to keep our feelings. Yes we are totally capable of keeping them at a distance. We can do that, if we know in advance. Give us a choice and make it a fair game.
You know what else we as women hate? The no text back. That shit annoys me. It really does. Let me tell you why. If we are both mature adults, with common decency and mutual respect, then how hard is it to send a text back and say, “I’m sorry I don’t think this is going to work.” Omg that was so easy! Did you break a finger? Did your phone over heat? Especially if you have been talking to the person incessantly and then just stop. Is this like some dating practice I am totally just oblivious to? Are my standards too high because I expect mutual respect and regard for my feelings? Yea I’m not about that dating life. What I’ve learned so far is that most people suck. I honestly did not know that most people suck. Dating can actually be kind of depressing. Yikes.
But back to the whole assumptions bit. If a man feels like a girl is “clingy” or secretly planning your wedding on pinterest (Okay to be fair the wedding I am planning ion pinterest has been there for years and its not about a specific person so relax) ask! Yes, ask! We like this! We like openness, we like having these things addressed! “Were you asking where this is going because you are attached to me or in love with me?” “No actually, I just wanted to know where to keep my feelings. Let them in or leave them out.” Omg wow your assumption that I was taking screen shots of pictures of our future children on instagram was wrong. Mind blowing! Majority of the time we aren’t stage 4 clingers. We are reasonable creatures you know. We know that you don’t find your husband after one date.
I personally am a quite affectionate and just naturally loving person. I love caring for people, doing nice things, making people feel special and that goes for relationships in every realm of my life. I think men often mistake this for attachment. That annoys me. I’ve come to the conclusion that to date, I need to be a total bitch. But I won’t do this. Because being a chameleon wont catch the right fish. I want a kingfish, escobeche style, with some bammy and plantain, and festival on the side. Yaaaaas!
Dating sucks it really does. However it doesn’t mean you give up. Different fish require different seasoning and eventually you will find the one who tastes good with yours. Blah blah there are plenty of fish in the sea. I actually hate that analogy because most of the time we want a specific fish. So I guess my best advice would be love who loves you, like who likes you, respect yourself, and then respect everyone else. And when a guy shows you who they are, believe them. Appreciate every broken heart. They are exercise. They are shaping and molding and strengthening your heart to be able to love whoever you are meant to love with fervency. If a guy cant respect you enough to tell you what he is looking for, or to gently let you down, or makes assumptions about you, he’s probably not someone you want to devote your time to, so he actually just did you a favor. Be glad.