Is feminism killing chivalry?

Yes, it’s a real question and a common one at that. Is feminism killing chivalry? It seems like long gone are the days when men would court a woman. For all you 2012 men this means taking a woman out on dates in an effort to get to know her. Respecting that she doesn’t kiss on the first date or put out by the second or third or even fourth, and still sticking around if she doesn’t. This, opposed to making the first encounter an endeavor to get into her pants. People are doing things backwards in this day and age. Jumping in bed, and than making an effort to get to know each other after. Womp Womp! Ever been in that situation? Ever notice it never works out! Sex is pretty personal. Also pretty dangerous in this day in age. So getting to know someone first seems like the smarter idea. Now a days it’s hard to find a man who will even open doors for you, pull out your chair, send flowers, get up to offer his seat on a bus. It’s like men have no standards to live up to anymore. Why the hell is this? When did men stop treating women respectfully. Where is the chivalry? Are women to blame? Quite frankly I think we have to take some responsibility here!

Ne-yo – Got her own, Webbie -Independent, Destiny’s Child- Independent Women, the list goes on and on and on. Modern day women value independence. They value and take pride in being able to take care of themselves, pay their own bills, and not have to rely on a man financially to survive. This is great. We should be able to do all those things, we should be independent. Nonetheless I think maybe we should try being independently-dependent. There are certain things that make a man feel like a man. Honestly they are quite simple creatures. A man isn’t typically ready to settle down with a woman until he feels financially stable. Men take pride in being able to care for their own. If we are so independent and carry that “I don’t need a man for anything” attitude men really aren’t going to be inclined to want to be with us and be chivalrous. They may be confused if they should do things like pull out our chair, because us independent woman can pull out our chair on our own!

We have to allow men to be men, I guess is a simple way to put. Men like to know their woman needs them and appreciates their hard work. They like to play their historical role. Don’t get me wrong here, men definitely appreciate and independent woman, but also show them they are still wanted and needed. Ever listen to Jill Scott-The fact is(I need you)? If not please do. Women who read may hate me for this, but men also like women to play that historical role somewhat too. If you are a woman in 2012 and you don’t know how to cook something other than microwavable dinners then shame on you! Call me sexist. There is no excuse for not being able to cook a healthy meal for yourself or for your family. Oh, and in case you forgot the key to a mans heart is still through his stomach! Men like women who can cook! It’s womanly! We get so caught up in being that “independent strong woman” we forget we can still lean on a man, just as they can lean on us. We can still do womanly things, we don’t have to wear the pants. I always tell my girlfriends having man problems, shut up and let him wear the pants. Men like to feel like they are wearing the pants. I don’t know why, but they do. I mean how man straight men do you know who want to wear a too-tu? Ladies obviously at the end of the day the pants are really on under our skirt too, but like I said, men are simple creatures, just let them feel like they are in charge sometimes. Even if he makes less than you, make it known you appreciate his hard work. Don’t rub it all in his face about how you got your own money and blah blah.

Women I have said it like 8 times so far. Men are simple creatures. They are like dogs really. We have to train them to some extent, other wise they will just run amok. If you want chivalry you have to train a man to give it. I hear women say it this all the time, “a man can go around and have sex with whoever he wants when he wants and he’s not considered a hoe, so why can’t I do it as a woman?” Fighting the double standard! Women hate it so much! To be honest I both love and hate it, as you can probably gather from my above paragraph. Okay so it’s your prerogative, if you want to go out and have sex with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, do you! Just make sure they don’t have a friend name Chlamydia or Herpes joining in to make it a 3 sum. Ain’t nobodies business what you do so long as you protect yourself and do it right, says singer Genuine. BUT, if you are going to give away the sex so easy and as early as the first date, don’t be surprised when men stop thinking they have to work to get in your pants. Or if the man loses interest after that one night of hot sex!

Sorry, but no matter what men say they DO look at you differently if you put out on the first date. Even if they say they don’t, trust me they do! Their intentions shift to just sex. They don’t bother to get to know you, because they are already familiar with your punani. Men don’t want a woman who gives it away easy. They are only gonna wonder how many guys you did that with before. Sorry to break it to you ladies the double standard still lives on. Now don’t get me wrong there are some women out there who are only looking for sex from a man, so this might not apply to you. It does if you think you are interested in more. What the hell anyway, when did it become unimportant to know someone before you have sex with them? If we train the dog that sex is easily accessible then there is no motivation! Have we all forgotten about the power of the p u s s y? Men now a days don’t feel like they have to take a woman out and wine her and dine her and treat her like a lady to gain the possibility of a ticket into her bedroom. (Not saying men should wine and dine us with solely the expectation of sex). If we don’t ask for respect, we can’t expect it is basically what I’m saying. We need to collectively start setting standards from men in 2012 that they have to live up to in order to have a chance with us.

I’m sorry to all the feminists out there but in 2012 maybe I’m just and old-fashioned gal. I still enjoy working in the kitchen. I love cooking and preparing delicious meals. I love even more to watch my man indulge in the food I’ve cooked, it’s really actually quite a turn on. I love keeping a clean house. AND I still want to be the one to raise my children opposed to nannies or day cares. I enjoy being a woman in the old-fashioned sense. I still enjoy caring for a man (of course the caring goes both ways. Cater to me and I’ll cater to you). Not saying this is necessarily only a woman’s role. Kuddos to the stay at home dads out there, or the ones who know how to chef it up in the kitchen. At the end of the day men should still be pitching in on house work. Wife, not slave. I had a girl look at me sideways they other day at a party when I told her I wanted to stay at home for the first year of each of my children’s lives. She was totally disgusted. Hey in some countries one year is paid maternity leave! I went to school, I have a master’s degree, I can get my cake on and make great money to be able to support myself. I exercise my right to vote. I believe there is a place for women in every profession.

I am an independent woman. Nonetheless, I NEED a man. I am not even ashamed to admit it. I need a man to hold me at night. I need a man to raise my children with. I need a man to hug up with at the end of a hard day. I need arms to melt into. I need man to make me feel wanted and loved and appreciated. A man to make me feel special. A man to make me orgasm (ain’t nothing like the real thing baby). A man to steal kisses from in public. A man to consult with. A man to pray with. Amongst many other things. Can I survive and live without a man? Sure. I’m single now and I am perfectly happy and loving being single. I love myself enough to be good on my own. But I eventually sure as hell want and need one. There is no shame in that. I don’t want to be an independent woman forever. In reality we all have to depend on someone else sometime. My guns are there, I work out every day and lift weights, but I don’t feel the need to punch a man in the face everyday just because I have the ability to. I want chivalry.


Categories: Life, Uncategorized

7 replies

  1. Powerful piece. Each paragraphs resonates well because I also believe that a king consults his queen and respects her consultancy. A unified decision always strengthens a house even if the outcome of such decision is disastrous. Its better to fail as one. So if she says Bahamas and I said Bermuda, then nothing nuh wrong. There are bigger battles to be won on the homefront. The man hunts and the woman gathers. If she doing the gathering, then its better to let her run and arrange the castle and the copy machine. I gotz meat to hunt.

    Nothing is wrong with submissive tone. I honestly dont need to be the captain of the boat. #TeamTeamster. With that being said, lots of people are unequally yoked, not only spiritually but also mentally, emotionally and the ever volatile financially. I still dont understand getting jealous over your wife cuz she make more money than you. Thats like hating on your rich friend cuz of his daddy trust fund. But i digress.

    Its nice to hear that powerful women dont have penis envy and even tho very capable, will still run it like Chad in the background. True talent dont need fame. Tho recognition is important. Its weird but i always tell people my wife doesnt need to always love me, (im sure she goin hate me sometimes, icanbeanass) but she needs to always appreciate me.

    Behind every success man, is his back, cuz his wifey by his side.

  2. Love it, femnismen is bs, thats number one. BUt that being said, men and women are different. And instead of equality we should look at equity. Bevcause we are not the same. men+women = not the same. Simple mathemathics. We all are different and thats fine, Its just the media that wants to make women as men and vice cersa. But thongs are not like that.

  3. Welcome to 2013 (soon to be 2014) and the Neo Man revolution. We are not simple, we never really were and calling us such is debasing. I look around and what do I see? My brother married three times divorced three times each wife had children from a prior marriage, none of them were his, all of them got support from him. I see laws, higher education, even popular media attacking men. I hear women around me at work talking about all men are dogs or worse until they need something usually money. I read in my HR hand book that looking at someone wrong (with a picture of men looking at a woman) is sexual harassment. I close my eyes in the elevator, or examine the floor, or take the next elevator. With women at work I speak only when spoken to, and only about what I am asked. I do not go to company functions, I do not work overtime, and I do not ever think of my work place as a safe environment for me.

    I have taken the red pill and I see the matrix now for what it is. Every woman is dangerous, an agent, one word, one false accusation, and even if I am proven innocent my name is mud because I am guilty until proven otherwise. Alone I work at my hobbies, expand my mind with books and science. Better myself for myself. I’ve quit watching television, I don’t care what you do with the government it’s not my country anymore, not my world, not my problem. I earn my money, and keep it, spend it on my self, and only on what I absolutely need. I don’t open doors, pull out chairs, pick up checks for anyone but myself.

    I think back to when I had dated, and done all those things when it felt good to care for her. The pleasure it gave me to do those things for her, and to see her smile at me. Coming over cleaning her place, and making her comfortable, getting her food all when she was sick. Then I remember her friend who never seemed to like me, and a week after meeting her friend she told me that I had to change. I had to give up my hobbies, leave my friends, be completely attendant to her needs, add her to my bank account. We weren’t even engaged and I was supposed to surrender. I left her crying on her bed after a fight over this, it tore me up as well, alone again. Later I discovered that it was her friend that put the ideas in her head about changing me, that I was no good because I was too male.

    Self immolation was what her friend wanted of me, freedom was what she gave me. I began to observe men and women around me how they acted. I saw the leverage of laws, rules, and systems, building a cage for men, for me. I saw the double standard, the lie, and in truth part of it levied by men seeking a voting base, pandering to a segment of the population a segment that gobbled it up. That’s when I took the red pill I looked for a way out, and found that the only way out was not to play. Live alone, inside the system but only to it’s barest minimums. Not every woman was dangerous at the outset, but one talk with another woman, and I would be back where I was in that room being screamed at, but this time with more potential damage than just a broken heart.

    There is no reward with out risk they say, but when the risk does not equal the reward best to not risk it. Attain a higher position at work, and become a target for a unscrupulous woman out to climb the ladder at any cost even your legal status? No thank you. Ask a woman out on a date, risk being accused of being a predator or date rapist even if I never lay a hand on her other than to shake hands? No thank you. Smile at a woman at the office, and become branded as harasser? No thank you.

    Get married to a woman try to build a life, and one day find that the locks are changed an my car has a boot on it until I surrender my keys to it. Have police, and a lawyer serve me papers in what was my driveway telling me that I have enough time to go in under police supervision pack my personal things and leave in her car the sub compact I drove to work because she said that it gets better gas mileage than the sports car I brought with me into the marriage. That because I supposedly verbally abused her I was a threat and a restraining order was issued against me. Spend my entire retirement fund on lawyers, and a private detective, to eventually get my now completely trashed car back, and a few of my tools that had not been broken or sold for pennies on the dollar at a yard sale. To still have to pay for the house and the second mortgage she forged my name to. To pay child support for a sixteen year old daughter from her prior marriage. To finally talk to that prior husband and find out that she had done the same to him right down to the car. (my brothers fate.) No thank you, no thank you, and again no, I thank you.

    To stand alone on a beach at sunset, and marvel at the colors of the sky, and the play of the sun on the water and know how the sun works. To look up into the blue of midnight and see the wonders of stars away from the pollution of lights. To know the math behind that sky, and name the stars. To walk my own path, go when and where I will. To become interested in something and learn all I can about it on my own because classes at a college cost too much and are not safe for me. To enjoy my life and not surrender it to another who sees no real value in me other than a simple man with a strong back and a bank account. To continue in the style of “Cyrano De Bergerac,” I may not stand tall, but until such a time that a woman presents her self to me giving me equal respect, equal treatment, and can match me equally in mind. I stand alone, get your own door I am learning about the Higgs Boson.

  4. I think it is hard for me to read articles that connect the lack of chivalry to feminism-simply because I think most people don’t have a very great grasp of what feminism is. Sorry, I was a gender studies major, and you learn that there are many strains of feminist theory…. and surprise surprise lol…many feminists have different views. So perhaps, its frustrating to blame the lack of chivalry, on feminism-because the goal of feminism-honestly-isn’t to tear down men, but to elevate the status of women in society, so that men and women are on equal standing. Unfortunately, like addressing complex issues such as these(think how as a country we have difficulty addressing race), not everyone can agree on how it can be done. I also must say there is a difference between feminism depicted in the larger media (i.e. bra-burning women), and among men and women who are actually doing feminist work. A lot of good things have developed out of feminist theory, such as some economic policies, which have been beneficial to many communities. I say this so people understand that feminism goes beyond male and female interactions. That being said….if we talk about the feminists that we see in the larger media..which most people allude to…they are considered radical feminists. lol….which started around the 1960s and 1970s-so their theories are also a product of the time period (around Civil Rights movements and later). Many good things have come from this…but also times have changed…which is why there are soo many new feminist theories and ideologies. However, this strain of feminism seems to represent all of feminism and feminists. I just want people to be wary of what the media depicts as feminism…bc 9/10…its not accurate lol.

    That being said… I think men and women as they get older need to be able to fend for themselves. Both men and women need to learn how to cook, change a tire, pay their own rent…etc…be responsible adults. I dont think we need to prescribe to gender roles…if both of you can cook…but he is the better cook…let him cook. If she handles the bills really well…let her do that. I think chivalrous acts today are often viewed by women as a man having a “good character” …having good manners..being nice and respectful. Perhaps showing that they aren’t an entirely selfish human being (that is what it really means to me)?? I mean if you can’t even hold a door open for someone who looks like they are struggling with groceries…that’s a jerkish move…and both men and women can do that….lol…to be honest…what i find is that many guys shirk away from what we call “chivalry” because they rather not put soo much investment in a girl that their only intent is to just “smash….” or no one taught them “good manners,” or maybe they selectively choose when to use it. …i can’t say that feminism intends to encourage that type of behavior…

    • Love your comment! And I def agree with a lot of what you said! Thank you for taking the time to read my article and write such a well thought out response! I hope others who read the article will take the time to read your response! This is the type of dialogue I wanted to spark! 🙂

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